hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
