i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
