y did u give ur computer a hand job?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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