Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
