Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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