dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
