i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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