Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
