You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
