so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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