we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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