Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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