Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He better not be in your backpack
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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