i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
