you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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