I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
