I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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