she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
