wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
