If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
