Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
