We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
