Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
