Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
