You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She needs sedatives and a leash
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
