So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
