The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
