I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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