i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
