Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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