Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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