My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
