I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
