i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
