also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
