i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
