I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Rumble strips road head = magical
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
