There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
