Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
