Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
