hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
