At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
