Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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