All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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