RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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