she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i think i have two assholes
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
