he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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