i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
