Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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