Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
