I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
