dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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