The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
