I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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