Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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