I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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