if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
