We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm passing your future prison.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
