I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
