I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
