who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
